The Muscles from Brussles

Oh hi.

The wife is engaging in a less-carbs excursion, which I have been acquiescing through by hoarding pizza crusts and the ubiquitous Philadelphia $.65 pretzels during my lunch breaks at work. Secretly, though, I am a little delighted at the chance to avoid the "Oh I guess we'll have pasta/rice/potatoes for dinner again" snare and focus on creating meals around simple vegetable and meat combinations that people with $50 a week grocery budgets don't often try. It turns out that, by the pound, Philadelphia soft pretzels may be the cheapest food on the planet. Conversely, a pound of, say, Brussels sprouts, runs around $3.50 at the neighborhood Whole Foods.

But I took those Brussels sprouts, confident that I could make them palatable. Normally my confidence in my own culinary abilities results in disappointment. However, I have unraveled the mystery of the tiny cabbage that, when prepared by every suburban American mother, tastes like a bitter fart.

It has been long established that bacon makes everything wonderful, and the subtle sweetness of butternut squash can go a long way in counteracting the sprout in the way its potatoey texture covers the mouth. So, below, you have my recipe for a Roasted Brussels Sprouts and Butternut Squash with Cherry-concord syrup:

Quarter 1/4 lb. brussels sprouts and rinse them off
Cube 1/4 lb. butternut squash into 1" pieces
Chop 3 oz bacon
Put all of this in a pan and roast at 350º F for about an hour and a half.

Meanwhile, I crisped up some chicken skin in hot olive oil and salt until it was golden brown and easily breakable.

Toward the end of the roasting time, I began to reduce 2 tbsp. of Fabri Cherry syrup (available for a ludicrous price at Williams-Sonoma, but a little goes a long way) and 1/4 cup of Concord Wine. Any sweet red wine would be fine, and there are tons of recipes for dried cherry sauce that would be ample substitutes, but I had fabri cherry syrup and dag blastit I was gonna use it. This was reduced in the rendered chicken fat with a bit of butter to thicken it up some more, until it was a dark red syrup.

After the veggies are finished roasting, place on a plate with a crisp of chicken skin and drizzle everything with about 1 1/2 tbsp per plate. Serves 2. Easily the best brussles sprouts I have ever tasted, although I don't think all the salty/sweet combinations in the world can mask the unmistakable post Brussles Sprouts burps.